Rules for Eating over the Holidays

• If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

• If you drink a diet soda with a shortbread cookie, the calories in the shortbread cookie are cancelled out by the diet soda.

• When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you DO NOT eat more than they do.

• Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy and cheesecake.

• If you fatten up everyone else around you then you look thinner.

• Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

• Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.

• Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

• Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

Remember! STRESSED spelled backwards = DESSERTS